Chapter 5

Respect Contracts

Verbal Respect Contracts: how to earn the right to ask questions, set agendas that lower resistance, and remove pressure from sales calls.

We have to earn the right to ask questions, know which questions to ask, and when to do it. But before we get into this more deeply, let’s take a look at ourselves first.

In the last chapter we talked about decisions being emotionally based. Which also means they are emotionally biased—for both parties in the sales conversation. Bias is natural, and it’s unavoidable. We are taught by parental figures and society that we should apply some level of rationality and logic to our actions, so what we do is layer reasoning on top of our emotions, which means the emotions give a particular slant to the reasoning. So everyone has biases. In fact, when we learn a new mindset, it’s often simply a new bias taking over an old one.

This does not mean that our behaviors or biases are bad. It simply means they exist. And the moment we acknowledge this existence, we can effect real change in ourselves, and perhaps in our prospects and customers if they want to go on this journey and have this experience too.

When you look at it from a customer’s perspective, they are already coming in with a bias against salespeople and/or the sales process, and yes, this can have a tinge of disrespect. Then we may end up feeling disrespectful towards them, although most likely we’ll become sheepish, which means we do not respect ourselves.

So we want to create a new logical approach and a new emotional basis so we have a new sense of respect—respect for ourselves, and respect for our prospects and customers in such a way that they respect us. And when mutual respect happens, everything becomes so much easier.

Buy-In vs. Buying

Sometimes the resistance to the changes we face is internal. And that internal conflict means we have to buy in on a new way of doing things. Change may be hard because we feel like we are either consciously or unconsciously not respecting our current belief system.

This is where a Respect Contract comes in. There are several types of Respect Contracts—verbal, written, and digital. (These days written and digital are almost the same thing.)

A little history on the Respect Contract. Lots of sales training organizations teach this concept. And if you dig deep enough in history, you will see it’s been around forever, or at least since biblical times.

Do you know how many times a Respect Contract was used in the Bible? It’s almost too many to count.

Conversations between God and Adam, between God and Moses, between God and Noah—Respect Contracts are all over the place. One of the most interesting ones is the conversation between God and Abraham. In fact, instead of “contract,” the word used was “covenant.” Check them out. You will see the elements of what we call a Respect Contract: Time, Goals, Agenda, Potential Outcomes, Social Contracts, and a Transition statement to the rest of the conversation.

So no, we don’t lay claim to the creation of this process—we simply modernized it for the sales world in the twenty-first century.

In sales, a Respect Contract is used to help create mutual respect between sellers and prospects or buyers. It’s the first step in getting our prospects to fall in trust with us; we make sure everyone invests emotionally in a social contract so neither party feels pressured about the conversation or the potential decisions.

For a salesperson, a Respect Contract:

1. Gives the rep a way to respect their time, their role, and themselves.
2. Improves the courage and confidence we have to guide a prospect through our Seller’s Journey and give them an amazing Buyer’s Experience.
3. Allows reps to earn the right to ask questions, to know which questions to ask, and when.
4. Removes fluff from the pipeline.
5. Improves forecasting accuracy.
6. Makes us better at negotiation.
7. Improves our close ratios.
8. Reduces gone dark scenarios (those where all communication has stopped). To earn the right to ask questions, we must set our intentions and expectations for both parties immediately—within the first two minutes of a sales conversation. This allows us to respectfully say, “I am going to ask you questions, and you are going to ask me questions” without sounding silly or obnoxious.

Verbal Respect Contracts

Let’s first dive into Verbal Respect Contracts (VRCs). There are different types of VRCs—there is one for a very first conversation, and others for different parts of business conversations throughout the sales funnel.

• First Call VRC: This happens in the first conversation you ever have with someone.
• Second Call VRC: When you have additional conversations and there are new people joining from the prospect’s side.
• Demo/Presentation VRC: Generally, but not always, after a first call. It’s used to clarify what’s important to your prospect to see in the demo or take away from the presentation.
• Negotiation VRC: You should always have a conversation about the parameters of the negotiation conversation before you actually start it. Often used when speaking with procurement, CFO, or the final decision-maker on writing the check.

And there are more. You may have one for a pricing discussion, another for speaking with an IT or Security group, and another for an upsell or cross-sell opportunity. You may even have one for the unwinding of the relationship. And every department in the organization has a VRC they use for the different people they speak with as well, so Respect Contracts are not limited to just a sales or revenue organization.

Generally, a Verbal Respect Contract is broken down into six different sections. It could be more or fewer depending on the part of the sales cycle or which department is delivering it.

The primary elements are:

• Time
• Goals
• Agenda
• Potential Outcomes
• Social Contract
• Transition Statement Here’s an example of a VRC. This example is for a scheduled first qualification or discovery call for your account executive and new prospect who is interested in your services.

Now you can see and get a feel for what this sounds like at the beginning of the relationship. The intention is to help our prospects and clients fall in trust with us and create the building blocks for an honest relationship that says, “Hey, we both respect each other’s time, and if we’re not a good fit, let’s just walk away as friends.”

At the conscious level, it immediately places both parties on a level playing field. A Respect Contract builds the foundation for a trusting relationship and helps lower the walls of resistance a prospect feels going into sales conversations. This is where they start to fall in trust with you.

Remember: Customers will choose you based not just on what your business does, but more importantly on how you do business.

Furthermore, the Respect Contract not only earns you the right to ask questions, it also gives you permission to take greater control of the entire sales process. Which then means you can ensure they have an amazing Buyer’s Experience through your Seller’s Journey.

Let’s break down each section of the Respect Contract by examining the sample discussion above.

Time

Thanks for making the time today (pause). I’ve got us down for thirty minutes—does that still work? Any hard stops I should be aware of? (pause) Great, at twenty-five minutes I will plan on calling a time-out so we can discuss next steps. By the way, if you see me look down in the webcam view, it’s me taking notes, and I will send them to you after this meeting. (pause)

What to Notice and Why It Works

“I’ve got us down for thirty minutes—does that still work?”

1. It confirms the time for both people.
2. It shows the prospect/customer that you are conscious they have a busy schedule too.
3. It tells your prospect that your time is of equal value to theirs and says, “Please respect my time like I am respecting yours, both in this conversation and in future conversations.”
4. Essentially, you just asked for the next meeting within about fifteen seconds of meeting someone.
5. It makes sure there is enough time to actually have a wrap-up conversation so you don’t end a meeting with the dreaded “doorknob blow-off” of “Hey, just email me next week and we can find a time.”
6. I specifically call out my physical presence. Even though most of us know these things, we feel it’s important to articulate them. This is another example of “how we do business.”

Tip: yes, you can actually set an alarm for twenty-five minutes so you can move on to summarizing the conversation and asking for the next meeting.

All of this helps you earn the right to ask questions. And equally important, simply acknowledging time begins to reduce the risk that prospects and customers sense in “having a sales call”—as well as your own anxiety about leading a sales call.

Essentially, it’s a healthy exhale for all parties so we can begin to feel more comfortable.

In fact, you should be able to notice a change in voice, demeanor, and body language. It’s like hitting the relax button.

Goals

Before we jump into things, I’d love to put some parameters around our discussion and any potential future discussions (pause). Just so you know, my only goal for the call today is to establish a mutual frame of reference for us.

Or:

Before we dive in, I wanted to say that I believe we are both here on a fact-finding mission. Let’s exchange ideas and see if it makes sense to continue.

What to Notice and Why It Works

It’s the plain truth. People appreciate honesty. Also:

1. It helps them relax and begin to open up even more.
2. It tells them you don’t see this as a sales call at all; it’s simply a conversation.
3. It tells them that this meeting is about both parties, not just you.

This is designed to help continually reduce the anxiety a prospect or customer may feel around talking to a salesperson, and to help the prospect further fall in trust with you the human, not you the salesperson. It also helps them begin to trust your stewardship through the Seller’s Journey.

Agenda

I’d like to learn about your business and ask some questions. And of course, I’d love to share anything about what we do and answer your questions as well. (pause) Aside from the agenda I sent over, is there something specific you want to make sure we cover today?

What to Notice and Why It Works

It provides extreme focus on the conversation flow, and:

1. It allows the prospect or customer to add an item and gain a sense of control because they are approving the agenda.
2. It reduces the chances of tangent conversations from happening.
3. It provides a polite way to interrupt and get back on track if the tangent conversation does happen.
4. It allows us to take control from the prospect without them even being aware it’s happening.
5. By setting this simple agenda and specifically mentioning you will ask them questions and they can ask you questions, you have officially #EarnedTheRight to ask any question you like.

Goals vs. Agenda

The Goals and Agenda sections sometimes get intertwined, which is fine.

Setting up the Goals portion of the Respect Contract is about making the end goal clear: what we want to accomplish by the end of this call, aka the Buyer’s Experience.

The Agenda is all about how we’re going to get there in this conversation—aka the Seller’s Journey.

If your prospect has things they’d like to share or add to these sections, then you take the pauses, let them tell you, and take notes so you can always go back to those points when appropriate. Note that sometimes your prospect or buyer interprets this as the moment for them to start telling their story. This is actually a great signal—it means they are very engaged with you, and trusting you so much they are willing to start talking. And as we all know, when they start talking, it’s hard to get them to stop.

Sometimes you will need to interrupt and stop them, and simply state, “Time-out—before we go there, I’d like to cover one or two things that won’t take more than about thirty seconds.”

Potential Outcomes

Just so you know, if at any point in this or a future conversation, you feel like we’re not the right fit for you, please feel free to tell me. Likewise, if I discover something about your business that doesn’t fit in our wheelhouse, I’ll gladly tell you that. I will even go so far as to make recommendations for you based on what I learn from you. Is that fair?

What to Notice and Why It Works

Nothing will exhaust the spirit and will of a salesperson more than “chasing maybes.” So it gives them the out you need to prevent this. In addition:

1. It shows ultimate confidence and competence. People like working with confident and competent people.
2. By telling them you will offer other solutions if you are not the right fit, it reduces their anxiety and again helps them fall in trust with you as a human and your organization as a whole.
3. It gives you a line in the sand for when they go dark or ghost you.

Setting the potential outcome is a huge piece to the “respect” portion of the contract. It’s making the intention up-front that we don’t want to waste one another’s time—and that it’s okay to walk away (and communicate it) if there isn’t a good fit.

Again, it also shows your time is valuable and they should not waste your time any more than you want to waste theirs.

Doing this is going to help them stay in that Adult Ego state where they can make rational decisions and be honest about moving forward with you, or with someone else, ultimately preventing you from chasing maybes.

Just because they might be a CEO or a founder and you’re a sales development rep (SDR) or account executive (AE) does not mean you have to give away confidence and power. Your time and hard work should be respected just as much as theirs, and that’s what we want to get across in Potential Outcomes. It leads into the Social Contract.

And when someone goes dark or starts ghosting you, you’ll have a clear way of dealing with it—we’ll get to that in more detail below.

Social Contract

Great, the last thing I want to do is bug you with “checking in,” “reaching out,” and “touching base” emails and calls that you hate getting and I hate making. (pause)

What to Notice and Why It Works

It confirms you are both on the same page about how the sales process will work. Also:

1. It reinforces their commitment to your sales process.
2. When they agree, this also helps prevent them from ghosting you.
3. And if they do start ghosting you, and some will still do it, it allows for you to contact them very directly and specifically about where things stand without having to use the dreaded “reaching out,” “checking in,” “touching base,” “circling back,” “bubbling to the top,” and all the other worthless phrases salespeople use.

The Social Contract is straightforward and allows you to connect emotionally to your prospects and customers. This is helpful because it will continually reduce the risk your prospects feel when working with you and encourage them to fall in trust with you.

Connecting emotionally with the other person on the line helps them understand where you’re coming from. It’s saying, “Hey, I really don’t want to bother you after this call if you don’t feel it’s a fit or a priority, because we both know how frustrating that can be.” Most likely, they’ve been in your shoes and will immediately agree. With your Respect Contract you’ve earned the right to move forward and dive into discovery.

There are different ways to tackle how you say this piece up-front, depending on if you’re prospecting over email, through LinkedIn, holding calls on Zoom, and so forth, which we’ll dive into a little bit later.

Transition Statement

What made you want to take this call today?

What’s happened internally that led us to chat?

Now that we have gotten them to really fall in trust with us, we need to begin the discovery process.

Regardless of what someone has already shared, it’s best to confirm what is driving them to even have a conversation. They may have already said things like:

• “We are in the market . . .”
• “We want to change vendors . . .”
• “We are curious about. . .”
• “My boss told me to research .. .”

Usually there is still something they haven’t shared about what’s actually happening in their organization that makes them curious, want to make a change, or made the boss ask for research.

This is the headache they have, and once we know this, we can help them determine if it’s actually a migraine. And let’s face it, everyone wants relief from a migraine, yes?

Here’s a quick review. A Respect Contract:

1. Gives you the courage and confidence to establish and maintain control of the entire sales process.
2. Provides a guideline for you to maintain control in case the prospect takes you on tangents.
3. Formally gets them to agree to give you control.
4. Gets them to fall in trust with you.
5. Gives you a way to stay engaged professionally should they try to go dark on you.
6. Shows them you are very different from every other sales rep they have ever encountered.

Ghost Busting

Now let’s talk about how using a Respect Contract actually helps you when someone goes dark or ghosts you.

The Respect Contract drew a line in the sand. It created a moment in space and time to which you can always refer back and hit the reset button.

You can do this in a voicemail, email, or LinkedIn message. Our preference is often email first.

Here is what it looks, sounds, and feels like:

What to Notice and Why It Works

It’s specific to a time and agreement you both committed to, and:

1. It’s professionally polite without being demanding.
2. You’ve #EarnedTheRight to ask this question.
3. It calls them out on their bullshit and encourages them to be truthful.

Of course, in reality some people simply will not respond. And while we don’t like that, at least we can go to bed at night knowing we asked the question.

It also lays the framework for additional “breakup emails” to build upon this message should they not respond.

Doing It Right

To sum up: organizations do not choose to buy from you based on what your organization does. They buy based on the pains your product or service relieves and the Buyer’s Experience, which is created by the Seller’s Journey you have created. When you understand how and why a Respect Contract works, and you implement it as suggested, you will #EarnTheRight to ask questions, you will #EarnTheRight to be direct, and you will #EarnTheRight to walk away with your head held high because you did everything correctly.

A word of caution: if you shortcut any part of the Respect Contract, you will lose more deals, you will have more prospects ghost you, and your anxiety will consistently increase. Every single section of the Respect Contract is critical.

Yes, you can wordsmith it to sound authentic to your voice. However, that does not mean leaving out parts. Specifically, if you shortcut Potential Outcomes and do not specifically indicate they can walk away and you can walk away too, then your entire Respect Contract has failed. You will lose complete control of the entire sales process, and you will enter the Child Ego state—that place where fear and anxiety eat away at you because you are afraid to ask direct questions that get you honest answers. Even if they are answers you may not want to hear.

There are different types and ways of implementing Respect Contracts. All need to be thought through clearly and adjusted accordingly. In short, there are both digital and verbal Respect Contracts.

Three-Step Digital Respect Contracts

We are big believers in building respect in multiple ways. And we think you should not wait until the initial conversation to start doing that. Remember, people will purchase from you for two reasons: the pains you solve and how you do business. That is the focus of a Three-Step Digital Respect Contract. The primary examples are the calendar invite, LinkedIn, and a pre-meeting email.

Here is what we recommend to clients.

Step 1: Send Calendar Invite

• Copy all required parties
• Include Agenda
• Zoom/conference link
• Who is calling whom?
• It is OK to include your cell phone as “backup.”

Step 2: Send a Pre-meeting Email

Subject Line:

• Include “Their Company/Your Company— Proposed Agenda”

Email Body:

• Polite and professional
• Future-minded with date included
• Ask if they want to add something to the agenda Agenda:
• Item 1
• Item 2

Additional Info if Necessary:

• Links to specifically relevant information

Here’s the actual email template we use:

Proposed Agenda

• Introductions
• Understand the State of the Harris Consulting Group

• Answer any questions about Richard/THCG
• Determine next steps, wider audience, etc.

Step 3: Send LinkedIn Connection Request

Keep it simple:

“Hey Richard, thought it would make sense to connect here. I look forward to speaking with you on [date].”

What to Notice and Why It Works

The subject line is clear, concise, and easy to find if they want to look for it again. Some other notes:

1. Include the actual date of the meeting in the first sentence.
2. Include the same agenda in both the email and calendar invite. Most people don’t read the agenda in a calendar invite until it pops up five minutes before the meeting happens. And even then, maybe.
3. Proposed Agenda simply means they can ask for something specific.
4. The last question is designed to get them to start thinking about their headaches and migraines.
5. Yes, you send all three of the above message types. (If your prospects are not on LinkedIn, then skip it.)
6. It helps reduce no-shows—your prospect now has three items in their inbox reminding them of your meeting. No, they won’t be annoyed.